I 'PLEDGE' to never participate in market research ever again

Last week I was at the mall and was accosted by a rough looking twenty-something guy in a white shirt, black pants and a black tie holding a clipboard. He told me I would be compensated for my time in exchange for participating in some "market research." Taking pity on him and feeling that cheap, slutty teenage favorite Forever 21, or Forver 25 as I now call it, could wait, I agreed.

"You probably think I'm hitting on you, huh?" he said as he led me down a hallway I never knew existed within the mall's confines. He took me into a waiting room with a hall full of offices and a room with a large open window facing the waiting room. He went into the front room and behind the window a grumpy, just as rough looking young girl rolled her eyes at him and in an irritated voice told him to ask me my age and if I had any pets. He returned with a clipboard and made me sign a confidentiality waiver and told me I would be asked some very personal questions...about cleaning. How very intrusive of him to ask if I have ever used a Swiffer. While he administered the survey of personal cleaning questions he paused after every page to ask me questions about what I did on the weekends and what clubs I went to.

He then led me into a dark room with a large projector where the only competent person working there followed my eyes with eye-tracking tecnology while I looked at images of shelves filled with cleaning products. Then my new friend, Alex, took me into a room where we went "shopping." In this scenario it became obvious what the name of the new product was that the corporation was testing, but my surveyor failed to correctly finger the product, confusing it with the generic brand.

I then had to answer questions about my "shopping" experience and the product being tested. Instead of just letting me sit at the dinosaur computer and answer the questions, the kid read them alound to me (even though I could clearly see the computer screen) and filled in the better part of my answers incorrectly. All the while he was dropping F bombs and asking me more personal questions. I told him that cursing on the job was unprofessional and kept motioning to him to move things along. "FOCUS, Alex. I came here to shop!" His excuse for his foul mouth was that he just "hated the [must remain confidential] corporation so bleeping much." By the end of the survey, in the interest of time, he was just clicking random answers. I wonder if this is how he filled in scantron tests in high school. When he expressed how impressed he was when I had to tell him my annual salary, I wanted to shake him and tell him to go back to school.

Thirty minutes later we were done and when I asked him how I would be compensated for my time, he made a phone sign with his hand and held it to his ear to say I would be getting his phone call. "Na, Na just playin." Alex, I keep forgetting how hilarious you are! I left the offices with $5 cash and a new disrespect for "market research." I cant believe companies will pour millions of dollars into testing new products when its people like Alex that they have to put their trust in. I had $5 and they had a bunch of false and probably contradictory information. But at least Alex had a job.